Tips to Stay Calm While Your Child Is Experiencing Anxiety

As a parent, it can be incredibly difficult to see your child experience an anxiety attack. You may feel helpless or overwhelmed, especially if you’ve worked hard to manage your own stress. Even if you’ve learned strategies to work on your own mental health, it can still be hard to stay calm when your child is struggling. Here are some tips to help you remain composed and be the calm presence your child needs.

1. Breathe with Your Child 

When your child is hyperventilating or struggling to breathe, it adds extra stress. Lead by example: take slow, deep breaths, counting to four as you inhale and exhale. This can help lower both your heart rate and theirs, signaling to the body that it’s time to calm down. Encourage them to follow your lead as it helps focus their mind and body.

2. Validate Their Feelings 

If your child lashes out during an anxiety attack, it’s important not to take it personally. They might not express their feelings clearly, but that doesn’t mean their emotions aren’t real. Acknowledge their anxiety by saying, “I see you’re upset right now. I’m here to help.” Validating their feelings lets them know they’re not alone, and that it’s okay to feel anxious. 

3. Create a Safe Space 

If your child is acting out or becoming self-destructive, guide them to a quiet, safe place where they can relax. Remove any potential dangers and offer comforting items like a soft blanket or favorite toy. Sometimes, simply having a calming space where they can process their emotions helps reduce the intensity of anxiety.

4. Use Grounding Techniques 

For children who are hyperventilating or feeling disconnected, grounding techniques can help. One effective method is the “5-4-3-2-1” technique, where you ask them to identify: 

This brings their focus to the present and helps calm overwhelming feelings.

5. Stay Calm, Even When It’s Hard 

It’s completely normal for you to feel anxious, too, when your child is having an anxiety attack. If you start feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to ground yourself with deep breaths. Remind yourself that the anxiety will pass and your child is safe. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers. It doesn’t make you less of a good parent if you don’t know how to fix things in the moment, or if you are feeling anxious as well. Sometimes, acknowledging your own feelings by saying, “I’m feeling a little stressed too, but I’m here with you, and we’ll get through this together,” can show your child that they’re not alone in their struggle. Remember, staying calm doesn’t mean being perfect—it’s about being present for them. 

Anxiety attacks can feel scary, but with your support, your child can learn to manage them better over time. It takes patience, practice, and understanding, but by staying calm and using these strategies, you can help your child navigate these difficult moments and ultimately build resilience together.